I am: hayil.

So it's no secret that the past couple of months have been rocky--not just for me, but (especially) for brothers and sisters of mine around the globe. I think of my dear sister, whose father passed away suddenly about a month ago. I think of my dear friends in Ohio, whose first year of marriage and first pregnancy has become one of the most dark "death valleys" imaginable. I think of Haiti: the suffering, devastation, hopelessness and confusion. I think of my fiancé, who is confronting a terrible economy head-on as he seeks to follow God's leading for both of us.

And I think of Naomi, and Ruth. I think of their bitter losses and their inability to protect any sort of stable future; the apparent mockery of the God who would take away their hopes for food, provision and future. But, as I've been reminded recently through Carolyn Custis James' book, "The Gospel of Ruth," these two women were also hayil.

Translated at times as "excellent" (cf. the "excellent" woman of Proverbs 31:10, ESV), in Ruth it is translated as "worthy" (ESV) or "noble" (NIV) when used in reference to Ruth in chapter 3. Boaz, however, is also described with this Hebrew adjective; and actually, this adjective has very determined overtones of strength, valor, capability and even military service. It is used regularly to describe men and yet it is not exclusive to men as is obvious by a closer inspection of Ruth and Proverbs. Woman can be--and should be--courageous: full of valor and zeal for the One who made her and the ones He has placed in her path.

Anyways, all of this reflection and all of these hard things show me that there is no time to waste in moping and pity parties; tears will come, but they should not interfere. I am not the defenseless, needy, sex object damsel-in-distress that both popular culture and yes, even Christian subculture, paint me as.

God has given me the ability to trust Him; and if I do, my 'self' will become a conduit for His strength, given to others.

God help me not to forget who You are; and who I am in You.

On a side note, all of this has rekindled my passion for writing; indeed I have an idea for a book that was actually planted last Fall by my Hebrew professor. Possible title: "The Woman of Proverbs 31, Revisited." Intrigued? I am. :)