Well. I have no excuses for myself, other than I have been rebelling against internet communication for the past month. Trying to reverse it is harder than I thought.
But, I'm back. Maybe not quite as peppy, and maybe with a few more jagged edges but maybe also with a softer heart. Nevertheless, here I am.
A lot of my struggle over the past month--the struggle of leaving Chicago, leaving independence, leaving familiarity, leaving community--can be boiled down into the following paragraph:
My (adult) life has been a string of good-byes. I'm not sure why it took me this long to realize it, but it's true. I said goodbye to my family, church family and high school friends to go to college. I said goodbye to college friends, college church family and family to go to Mongolia (after a short stint in Spain, after which I had to say goodbye to my host family and Spain friends). I had to say goodbye to my friends in Ulaanbaatar, Mongolia. I had to say goodbye to friends, team and church in Hovd, Mongolia and then Mongolia in general. And just last month, I had to say goodbye to Chicago: studies, community, church, work, independence, city.
On the way to my parents' house from Chicago, I got caught in a blizzard in the mountains. The very least you could do, God, I thought, is get me to the destination You called me to. I was angry. And I became even more upset when I got there and I had time to think about my life, and the fact that it has been a string of goodbyes. I'm still not too sure how I feel or what I should think about it. It's kind of a sensitive topic between me and God right now. But I do know that He is in the business of creating beauty from ashes, and the Potter never asks the clay how it should be formed.
That's all, for now. The silence is over for awhile, my friends!
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